Surround yourself with people you would do anything for and visa versa it’s been a rough few years lost my 24 year marriage my first love to him cheating and my world blew up. On rebound and have never been alone married a physically and emotionally abusive man. I had to sneak out with just my clothes and car scared to death he would catch me. I left several times, he would promise things would get better they got worse. He said no one will ever love me again, you hear that enough you could look like a supermodel & have a beautiful heart & kind spirit but I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be happy, be remarried and live the life I once loved but the only thing I have left is my beautiful children. Thank God they are supporting themselves better then I. That was the trade off, now I’m 46 with a storage unit and a roof over my head, but broken because it’s not mine. I don’t need big I just need to be able to live on my own and I’m failing miserably. My dad said pray. Trust me I do. Sad part he’s married to a girl 2 years older then me who took him away from all of us kids and broke my heart again.  God, if there is one, I need a break I can’t do this much longer. I’m not living I’m surviving. I also lost pets with both marriages because even the 24 year marriage I left with my clothes car and some furniture he never paid what he was supposed to but I just couldn’t fight anymore. He didn’t know I was going to leave but he sleazy took pictures of the house with our stuff got his real estate license and sold the house kept commission left me penniless & homeless but I had moved his parents in his mom had ms. I didn’t want her to have to move. I bathed her washed her, cleaned up her accidents while he was cheating. People talk about Karma? I don’t believe it because he has another home a new wife and I’m alone still don’t have my own home. Which makes holidays with my kids so hard. They are my world but I have no home to celebrate so I visit them. Why am I sharing this. I guess for hope, change, love, and to vent where no one knows me. Just saying❤️

Tags

, , , , ,

  

Advertisements

Is this too much to ask?

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

So I’ve been divorced about a little over a year. I have to say I have spent more of my life with someone then alone. But, after being married for 20 years but being together 24 I honestly thought hey, I’m in good shape I teach aerobic and do massage for a living. I am a very happy person majority of the time, why can’t I find just a normal nice guy are they all still married????

lol so I married my highschool sweetheart we had 2 beautiful kids life was going great until he started to make a lot of money and travel. I had just put an addition on to move his parents in with us his mom had MS and my perfect world was shattered when by accident I found out he was cheating. I honestly wish I never found out. Anyhow nothing has been right the past 6 years so I’m hoping this is the turn around year! But in the beginning of my divorce when I was a complete mess I met someone who I thought I would be with forever he I guess was a rebound very abusive mentally and a little physically. Now, a year and 1/2 later all I want is a nice guy to have my normal back or better enjoy life together and grow old together. I have dated several people but only have “been ” with the 2 men I married it just happened that way. I guess I’m asking for help?  How do you meet people I don’t really drink I do teach aerobics and do massage for a living so I meet lots of people, but I’m kinda shy and even though I get compliments all the time I don’t get asked out by nice men? Wtf?!?!

Any suggestions? Just need to know

Obviously I’m not doing great on my own and yes I’m on line which is like having a full time job trying to respond to people and sift through the bs. Anyone someone help?!?!?!

I will be moving to Fla in Jan which will be a nice warm place to be now I just am waiting for my better half to find me❤️ confused, defeated, and frustrated  

Life

Tags

Its been about 4 mo since I filed for divorce. Every night is sleepless, every day a struggle, but through the tears have come sunshine through the weakness somehow strength and from being alone closeness. Am I growing yes, does it suck yes, will I go back? I don’t think I can 💔 but I for the first time in my life am ok with being alone. I mean if I met someone tomorrow would I yes but am I looking no. I’m currently living with my cousin and this picture was taken by her dad, since past my uncle. We are getting so close and I feel even this horrible pain depression the every day struggle to survive somehow some way is changing me, not the core values of me, although for the first time in 30 years I haven’t had sex in so long I have almost considered calling anyone lol no that’s not me but for the first time even though it sucks it’s kinda ok I guess, as long as it doesn’t last to long. I miss being held, loved, loving holding, kissing tummy having someone a man to come home to but I think he’s going to have to find me this time 🌻 because I’m too tired to look too busy working and too cautious❤️ too afraid of not having my happily ever after I have always dreamed of that I will die a little each day without him whoever he is I hope he finds me soon

  

so done I’m not your Barbie! 

Tags

, , , , , ,

I used to believe in fairytales in happily ever after I guess I never really grew up I’ve only loved 2 men in my life and they have both broken my heart. For the record to all my male friends out there I am a human being in not just a body a shell something to show off to your friends or someone you can talk to like they are a piece of meat I’m a loving, honest kind respectable woman and I will not tolerate any man who thinks they can treat me like that. I would rather be alone then be talked to treated like or even looked at in that way. If that’s what you want go to a strip club because I’m worth more and I won’t give you the time of day if that is what you are looking for!